i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize