It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
FUCK WHALES
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize