grandma shit on top of the toilet
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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