Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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