When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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