oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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