Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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