What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize