I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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