There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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