i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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