I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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