Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't trust your balls anymore.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize