I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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