It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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