if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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