Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize