she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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