My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why do cheetos always look like penises
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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