If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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