I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize