i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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