Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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