Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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