Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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