A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize