Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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