How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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