I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
