I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
