She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
