I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize