I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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