If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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