pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize