He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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