i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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