You're completely useless in the revolution.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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