Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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