I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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