if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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