It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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