What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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