My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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