yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Enjoy the penises
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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