I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize