You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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