You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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