She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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