u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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