they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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