Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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