every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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